Part 5: Is it all the fault of childhood?
Was it all a mistake made in childhood?
Why do I use food to solve my emotional problems when I have negative emotions? Why do I continue this lifestyle even though I know it's bad for my weight? If you've ever had these questions, then this section is for you.
For the vast majority of people, obesity is caused by acquired experiences, especially childhood experiences. Even as adults, we may still carry the burdens of our childhood. These burdens have unknowingly become a part of us, influencing our cognition, emotions, and behavior every moment. The first step in losing weight is to prevent gaining weight, which requires discovering how childhood experiences affect our current behavior, what food truly means to us, and what obesity represents for us.
I once had a patient named Tingting who grew up in a family where everyone loved to eat-a family of "foodies," as we would say now. Every family gathering involved various meals, always lavish and meaty, resulting in everyone becoming overweight. When Tingting was little, her grandparents would always feed her all sorts of delicious food, afraid she wouldn't be full. Her father's family, however, was the complete opposite. They were very disciplined, with extremely high standards for themselves and others, bordering on perfectionism. Her grandfather... Grandma and Grandpa were very concerned about Tingting's figure. Every time Tingting came to play, they would say, "Tingting, have you gained weight again? You're all fat, it's so unattractive. If you can't even control your eating, how will you ever amount to anything?" Growing up in this environment, Tingting learned two completely opposite beliefs. Her mother's family believed that food is happiness, and food is the only source of satisfaction. Her father's family believed that she was useless and not good enough. The former was a belief about food, while the latter was a belief about herself.
From a cognitive-behavioral psychology perspective, we call these beliefs, but they are not facts; they are merely our interpretations of facts. Different people have different beliefs about food. For example, Tingting believes that food brings satisfaction, but for some, food brings guilt. Different people also have different beliefs about themselves. For instance, Tingting believes she is useless and that others don't like her; while others feel they are excellent and can gain recognition from others. The problem is that if we have negative beliefs about food and ourselves, then small things can easily trigger negative cognitions and emotions, leading to emotional eating.
Take Tingting for example. As a nurse, she works 12-hour shifts at the hospital, which puts her under a lot of pressure. This pressure easily triggers negative self-beliefs. For instance, when she's administering an IV to a patient, sometimes the vein is hard to find, requiring several attempts. However, this patient is impatient and criticizes Tingting, saying she can't even do an IV properly, so how can she be a nurse? This completely triggers Tingting's negative self-beliefs. Just like when she was little and was often criticized by her grandparents, Tingting starts thinking: Maybe they're right, maybe I really am not suited to be a nurse. Tingting's mood worsens; she gets angry at herself, starts recalling past failures, and becomes increasingly depressed.
You may have had a similar experience. Being depressed is really tough, especially when you get home at night and are alone; your mood tends to drop even further. At dinner time, Tingting's belief in food was triggered because she believed food could provide satisfaction. Naturally, she started using food to cope with her unhappiness. As she ate, Tingting temporarily forgot her bad mood. Unfortunately, emotional eating only helps reduce negative emotions in the short term. After the binge eating, she suddenly realized she had overeaten, and once again felt that she couldn't do anything right, not even control her eating, thus becoming even more depressed.
Our lifestyle habits, especially our eating habits, are largely governed by our emotions, and these negative emotions are often intricately linked to our past experiences. I hope you can pay attention to what events in your life evoke strong emotions in you, and what beliefs these events trigger. I hope you can ask yourself a question: Where do these negative beliefs come from, and are they related to my past experiences?
Tingting is just one example; there are many negative beliefs about oneself and food in life. Let's look at some other examples. Some people grow up in difficult circumstances, where they might not know when the next meal will come. This teaches them: if there's food, they must eat their fill, otherwise they'll go hungry. Even now that they're older and their living conditions are much better, they subconsciously still believe that it's best to eat until they're full. Other families hate wasting food, which is understandable, but children develop the impression from a young age: I must finish everything in my bowl, or my parents will scold me. Even today, they'd rather eat until they're stuffed than throw away food. Some parents may use food to reward or comfort their children, such as buying them treats for good grades or when they are unhappy. This can unconsciously lead children to develop a habit of using food as the best way to comfort themselves. Other children lack a sense of security from a young age, whether due to their parents' marital problems or being bullied at school. They lack trust in others, and being overweight can, to some extent, act as a protective shield.
There are roughly two main categories of self-belief: one is a lack of self-confidence, believing oneself to be a failure in every aspect and inadequate; the other is a lack of confidence in one's relationships with others, believing that no one will like one. These beliefs are closely related to our childhood experiences, whether it be our family of origin or our teachers and classmates at school.
Long-term psychological research has also proven that childhood trauma can lead to adult obesity. A Swedish research team analyzed data from 23 research projects and over 110,000 participants, finding that any type of childhood trauma, whether physical or psychological, significantly increases the incidence of adult obesity, and the more severe the trauma, the higher the probability of obesity (Hemmingsson, Johansson & Reynisdottir, 2014). Psychologists at Stanford University in the United States reached the same conclusion, analyzing data from over 10,000 female participants and finding that trauma occurring before the age of 16 leads to adult obesity (Alvarez, Pavao, Baumrind & Kimerling, 2007). A research team at Boston University in the United States analyzed data from over 8,000 adolescents and concluded that the absence of parents in childhood leads to obesity in adolescence. (Shin & Miller, 2012) You might be surprised to learn that childhood trauma has such a close relationship with adult body shape. Psychologists from the University of Rome, Italy, have also pointed out that childhood trauma can lead to negative emotions, which in turn can contribute to adult obesity. (D'Argenio, Mazzi, Pecchioli, Di Lorenzo, Siracusano & Troisi, 2009)
Weight loss is a long and arduous task. Based on my clinical experience, many times our preparation is inadequate, leading to weight loss failure. Therefore, the first step in weight loss is to completely stop gaining weight. The most common cause of weight gain is emotional eating, and the reason why some events in life bring us negative emotions is largely due to our negative beliefs about food and ourselves, which often stem from our childhood experiences.
The first step in this long journey of weight loss is becoming fully aware of your negative beliefs. Over the next few days, I hope you can pay close attention to your negative emotions and unhealthy eating habits. For a fleeting moment, see if you can describe the negative beliefs behind your negative emotions or unhealthy eating habits. Then write them down. When you are alone and quiet, you can ask yourself: Where do these beliefs come from? Who gave me these beliefs? When you find the source of your beliefs, they will no longer be so strong, and you can examine them from a more mature perspective, thereby influencing your behavior.
Homework
1. Please conduct a self-examination: What kind of childhood experiences did you have, and how did these experiences affect our eating behavior?
2. What negative beliefs do you have about food and yourself? How do these negative beliefs affect your emotional eating?
3. Over the next week, please use the ABC record included with this book to record and analyze your negative beliefs, especially those that are unpleasant or stressful in your life. Please answer the following questions: Where do these beliefs come from? Are these negative beliefs related to my childhood experiences?